


Vintage

by PeppyBismilk



Series: Solution Selling [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Marijuana, Mild Sexual Content, Video & Computer Games, Weed Lube, Weirdly Specific AU, it's crack, let's face it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeppyBismilk/pseuds/PeppyBismilk
Summary: Guang Hong, Leo, Phichit, and Yuuri have been getting together for game night ever since Guang Hong started at Okukawa Industries. Then Viktor and Seung-gil came along, and then everybody got stoned.Long(?) lost part ofThe Finer Points of Technical SalesAU. That's right, it's the return of the weed side story, because why the heck not?
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Leo de la Iglesia/Ji Guang-Hong, Phichit Chulanont/Lee Seung Gil
Series: Solution Selling [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1088568
Comments: 17
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guang Hong thinks about his friends, their relationships, and Leo, all over a game of Smash Bros.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *casually reposts the weed side story*  
> (weed starts in the next chapter tho)
> 
> Takes place in the [Tech Sales AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15006101) sometime after Long Distance but before the last chapter of Correlation and Causation.

Game night with Leo, Phichit, and Yuuri had been an Okukawa Industries staple ever since Guang Hong got hired. It started at Guang Hong's place and kept going even after Leo had moved in with him. Sometimes they drank too much and Guang Hong and Leo got extra flirty, but Phichit and Yuuri had never complained.

When Viktor and Yuuri finally found each other, Yuuri became a rare appearance. Guang Hong missed him, but he understood. If he only got to see Leo on the weekends, he probably wouldn’t want to share his attention, either. But they didn't go wanting for a fourth player for long.

Guang Hong hadn’t known what to think when Phichit started bringing Seung-gil with him. He’d heard the rumors but they never acted like anything but acquaintances in public. Eventually, he had just asked Phichit.

“Of course he’s my boyfriend. I thought everybody knew that.”

So, Guang Hong and Leo fell into a new pattern of game nights with Phichit and Seung-gil. It was a different vibe, but still fun and never uncomfortable.

This Friday, to Guang Hong’s surprise, Yuuri had asked if he could bring Viktor with him to game night. Guang Hong had agreed immediately.

And he only regretted it a little bit.

The moment Viktor walked in, he pointed at Seung-gil. “Lee Seung-gil!”

Seung-gil only frowned in response.

Viktor tugged at Yuuri’s sleeve. “Yuuri, he _is_ the cute statistician!”

“Yeah, he is,” said Phichit with a smirk.

“Statistician?” Guang Hong wondered aloud.

“Seung-gil majored in stats.” With a sideways glance at Viktor, Phichit added, “And apparently, I have competition.”

Seung-gil and Viktor both spoke at the same time, the former in a monotone and the latter in horror. “No, you don’t.”

“Stats? But you work in HR,” said Yuuri.

Viktor stroked his cheek. “Yuuri, you should know by now we aren’t all free to follow our passions like you were.”

“Statistics applies to everything. And it isn’t my passion,” Seung-gil said. “I’m in human resources because I like to push myself.”

Yuuri blinked at him in surprise. It was the most Guang Hong had ever heard Seung-gil say about himself, too.

“Yeah, you do,” Phichit put in.

Only Phichit could make Seung-gil laugh.

Things relaxed from there. Having Viktor close seemed to keep Yuuri balanced and calm, which was worth their incessant displays of affection.

After pizza came games, as always. Viktor perched himself in Yuuri’s lap under the guise of learning the controls. Guang Hong marveled at how the tallest people in the room took up the least space.

“How do I jump again, Yuuri?” Viktor whined, pressing buttons on the controller at random.

“This one.” Yuuri was ever patient as he demonstrated. “You don’t have to hold it down, just push it.”

“Like this?” Viktor sent his own sprite flying off the screen.

“Almost,” said Yuuri, kissing his cheek. Viktor brightened. He dropped the controller in favor of kissing Yuuri on the mouth. Again. Guang Hong and Leo looked away.

“Boo!” Phichit called, chucking a pillow at the kissing couple. “Go make out at home! You guys came here to play.”

Viktor relented but kept pouting. “I still don’t understand the point of this game!”

“There is no point,” said Seung-gil. He took out Phichit, Guang Hong, and Leo in the same move just before the clock ran out. 

Seung-gil won by a large margin, as usual, and Viktor/Yuuri came in last place.

“Nice one,” said Phichit, nodding at Seung-gil. “Soda?”

Seung-gil tilted his head—the gesture meant nothing to Guang Hong, but Phichit seemed to understand.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was quietly explaining the controls, yet again, to Viktor. Somehow, Viktor could hang on Yuuri’s every word and yet absorb nothing, and Yuuri didn’t even seem to mind.

Phichit came back with a Sprite for Seung-gil and a beer for himself. Seung-gil thanked him and Phichit smiled, then took his seat on the far end of the room, next to Leo.

It was like two opposite ends of a spectrum. Anyone who didn’t know Phichit and Seung-gil were together never would have guessed it. With the exception of some infamous drunken episodes, Phichit was more affectionate with Yuuri than he was with Seung-gil in public. Phichit and Seung-gil barely even talked to each other, but Guang Hong had spent enough time with them to learn a few things.

Seung-gil didn’t say much to anyone, but out of every ten things he said, nine of them were directed at Phichit. If he said something nice, it was guaranteed to be for Phichit. And Phichit, who never hesitated to post compromising pictures of Viktor and Yuuri, had never shared a single incriminating picture of Seung-gil.

Maybe it was just because Viktor and Yuuri were always in compromising positions. No matter where they were, everyone in the vicinity knew they were a couple. It would be easy to assume they were insecure or overcompensating, but Guang Hong suspected they were only comfortable when they were touching and just didn’t care who saw. Some of it was probably the long distance. He was amazed Yuuri and Viktor had even come since they got so little time together, but Viktor seemed to really want to get to know Yuuri’s friends.

Or maybe he just wanted to make out with Yuuri in front of them.

Guang Hong had a feeling Viktor and Yuuri would be exactly the same when they eventually moved in together, and sometimes he wished he could be that free and showy with his affection.

As far as he knew, Phichit and Seung-gil’s official relationship status was still somewhat new, but there was something admirable about their stance of “We know what we are so who cares what anyone else thinks,” too.

But Guang Hong liked to think he and Leo fell somewhere in the middle. Content to sit together, close but not all over each other. Of course, Leo and Guang Hong had been best friends for years before they'd even considered dating, so their situation was a bit different. Not better or more valid, but Guang Hong wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Leo nudged his shoulder, shaking him out of his head. “Next round?”

Guang Hong smiled and joined the game. “Anyone else?” 

“Hell yeah,” said Phichit. Seung-gil jumped in right after Phichit without a word.

“Mm, you play this one for me, Yuuri.” Viktor polished off his wine and stretched out on the floor, resting his head in Yuuri’s lap. “You’re so much better at it than I am.”

Yuuri just stroked his hair and nodded.

At some point Viktor fell asleep on Yuuri’s legs. When everyone else was finally fading, Yuuri woke him by whispering in his ear. Viktor smiled and murmured something in Russian. They put their cups in the kitchen, thanked Guang Hong and Leo for hosting, and left arm in arm.

Seung-gil’s hand barely brushed Phichit’s and they left shortly after.

“I don’t get either of those relationships,” Leo mused as he and Guang Hong finished cleaning up.

Guang Hong laughed. “You read my mind.” 

“Good thing we understand each other.” Leo bent down to kiss him and added, “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

Leo was right. The only relationship that had to make sense was their own. Guang Hong smiled and switched off the light. “Right behind you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I deleted this. I was fighting a lot of bad thoughts, but if this story amused even one person, it's worth keeping it up. Happy New Year!


	2. Chapter 1.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every brownie needs an origin story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a brief, non-graphic vomiting scene at the very end. And weed and sex, but you knew those were coming.

“Right here on the desk?”

“Right here on the desk.”

Papers went airborne and office supplies crashed to the floor as Leo swept his arm over the desk in question and hopped up on it. “But what if someone catches us?”

“That’s the fun part! Don’t worry so much." But it was easy for Guang Hong to say that—he wasn’t the one sitting naked on his desk. Then again, if they got caught, they’d go down together. “Hehe, go down.”

“Enough talking. You’ve got a job to do.”

Right. What was the point of working at the same place if they never had sex in the office?

“Then I better get to work.”

Leo leaned back and Guang Hong bent down, ready to give him the best head of his life...

Ready to...

Ready to wake up, in his bed, tucked under one of Leo's arms.

_It's been a long time since I've had a dream like that,_ Guang Hong thought. He was the first to admit he didn’t have the highest sex drive, and Leo's wasn't much higher, but circumstances out of his control had driven a temporary wedge between them.

Well, not entirely out of his control.

It was too early for all of this, but it was going to be hard to get back to sleep now.

Extremely hard.

Guang Hong took a deep breath and rolled over as gently as he could, but soon, his sweet, patient boyfriend was mumbling “Good morning” in his ear.

Guang Hong had been trying not to wake him, but his regret melted away at that first-thing-in-the-morning rasp to Leo's voice—no one else got to hear it. Echoing his greeting, Guang Hong turned to face Leo and pressed a kiss to his jaw. Before he knew what was happening, Leo had pulled Guang Hong the rest of the way on top of him, lining up their hips with shocking accuracy for this hour.

Apparently, Guang Hong wasn’t the only one with sex on the brain.

“Keung’s probably still asleep,” Guang Hong whispered, meeting Leo's eyes. They would have to be quick and quiet, but after two and a half weeks of Keung staying with them—eighteen excruciating days of keeping their hands above the blankets—it wasn’t going to take long. In seconds, Leo had both of their shirts off. Guang Hong had just shoved Leo’s pajama pants down to his thighs when there was a crash downstairs.

“Dammit,” Leo muttered, lifting his hands off of Guang Hong’s back.

Guang Hong hung his head so low his forehead hit Leo’s chest. “So much for that.”

“You know I love Keung, but I can’t take much more of this.”

“Me neither,” Guang Hong said, reluctantly pushing himself off of Leo and out of bed. “I’ll talk to him. I just, uh, need a minute.”

He found his shirt by the side of the bed and slipped it back on, then took a couple of deep breaths. Looking back at Leo—still half naked and lying back in the pillows like he was meditating—was a mistake, and Guang Hong had to take another breather.

Keung had to go, because once Guang Hong and Leo finally got their hands on each other, it wasn’t going to be quick or quiet.

The banging stopped as Guang Hong descended the stairs, but there were plenty of softer sounds coming from the kitchen: cabinets and drawers being opened and shut, a whisk hitting the sides of a metal bowl, the beep of a preheated oven.

“You’re up early,” Guang Hong said. Mentally, he added, _If you’ve even been to bed._

“Wake and bake, man,” said Keung. He was beating eggs on the counter and melting chocolate on the stove. It smelled good, but Guang Hong was suspicious.

“I didn’t know you took that so literally.”

Keung laughed. “Sorry about the noise. Just pretend I’m not here and go about your boning.”

Was it that obvious? Guang Hong’s cheeks grew hot, and he cleared his throat. “Can you tell me why you’re making brownies at six o’clock in the morning?”

“Because I have to use up my stash somehow.”

Did that mean he was finally leaving? Guang Hong tried not to look too excited. He followed Keung’s gaze to a dish on the counter. The butter he was cooking with was a sickening shade of green.

“Are you throwing a party or something?” he wondered.

“No!” Keung looked offended. “These are a gift for you and Leo! What kind of a houseguest do you think I am?”

The kind that stays indefinitely and bangs pans around the kitchen before my alarm even goes off, Guang Hong thought. Usually, he had more patience for Keung, but going so long without any alone time with Leo was wearing on him.

“That’s really nice of you, but every time you try to get me high I just end up getting sick,” said Guang Hong. “I think I’m a lost cause.”

“But edibles are a totally different animal,” said Keung. He mixed the liquid ingredients and started folding in the putrid-looking butter. “No inhaling required. You won’t even taste it. I think this will be a game changer for you.”

“I’m not looking to join the lifestyle,” said Guang Hong, starting a pot of coffee. If he had to be up, he might as well make himself useful.

“It’s not an initiation. It’s a gift.” Keung laughed. “My way of saying thanks for putting up with all of my cock-blocking.”

Guang Hong almost choked on his own tongue. “You—we—it’s just good manners.”

“Please,” said Keung, waving a hand in the air. “For future reference, don’t let anyone stop you from getting down in your own house. Definitely don’t let me stop you.”

Did _for future reference_ mean he was coming back soon? Because Guang Hong needed at least a few months before he could handle this much Keung again.

A horrible thought struck Guang Hong—maybe he wasn’t planning on leaving at all.

“Thanks for the advice,” said Leo as he walked into the kitchen. His hair was wet from what Guang Hong guessed was a very cold shower, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Mind if we get down on the table right now?”

Keung shrugged. “Do what you gotta do.”

“All right, cool,” said Guang Hong. Taking the joke one step further, he swept a hand over the kitchen table just like Leo had in his dream, knocking unopened mail and unused takeout cutlery to the floor. Leo advanced, backing Guang Hong up against the table. It was hard to keep a straight face for the charade, but that didn’t stop Guang Hong's heart from beating a bit faster.

Keung finally relented. “Okay, okay! Even I’m not that cool.”

Guang Hong and Leo both snickered, and Leo bent down to pick up the things that had fallen. It wasn’t like Keung had anything to worry about. They couldn’t even handle him being on the couch downstairs, let alone in the same room.

“It’d be kind of gross if you were,” said Guang Hong.

“You should know there’s nothing more important to us than your comfort,” Leo began, his voice thick with sarcasm, "in our home.”

Keung mixed the chocolate into his batter and said, “I promise, I’ll be out of your hair in like, three more days, tops, and then you can go nuts wherever you want.”

Guang Hong and Leo exchanged a look. Three days was a long time. Leo poured himself a cup of coffee and downed most of it in one go, black and scalding hot.

“Is everything okay, Keung? You seem a little…” Guang Hong fished for the right word. He and Leo had walked on eggshells with Keung for long enough. “You seem kind of lost.”

“No more than usual,” Keung replied. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I'm fired, but other than that...”

“Fired?” Guang Hong gasped. “You have a job?”

“Yeah. Well, I did.” Keung used some untainted butter to carefully grease a pan. “They probably took me off the payroll by now.”

“Keung!” Guang Hong wanted to shake his cousin. “Did you at least turn in notice before you came here? Or did you just stop showing up?”

“Yes. The second one.” Keung poured his batter into the pan and carefully tapped the tray on the counter. “But that job was killing me! Answering phones all day is the worst.”

“That’s what you said about the record store. And the pet store. And cutting lawns,” Leo muttered, already pouring himself another cup of coffee.

“Well, not all of us love our jobs like you do, Leo.” Keung’s annoyance betrayed his sing-song voice. He put his brownies in the oven and shut the door with more force than he really needed.

Leo put his mug down on the table and looked at Keung, suddenly serious. “I don’t love my job. I love working with Guang Hong, but I don't love the work itself. I do need money to survive. It's what people do.”

Guang Hong chewed the inside of his cheek. He knew Leo wasn’t being challenged enough at work, but Leo always said his coworkers ( _One in particular,_ Guang Hong thought with a smile) were more important than his work. Still, Guang Hong wished there was something he could do.

“Well, it sucks,” Keung muttered. That was something they could all agree on. Keung picked up his phone and tapped at the screen dejectedly, but he was back to a smile when he set it down. “There we go! Thirty-five minutes until breakfast.”

Leo almost spat his coffee on the table.

“We can’t have pot brownies for breakfast, Keung!” Guang Hong cried. “Leo and I have to work!”

Keung pouted. “Go ahead and rub it in, why don’t you."

Leo rubbed his temples and smoothed that hand over his hair. “What if I talked to Seung-gil? I could see if there are any open positions.”

Now it was Guang Hong's turn to do a spit take. He loved his cousin, but he didn’t want Leo to put his reputation on the line for Keung. Leo must have been desperate to offload him if he was willing to try to find work for him at Okukawa Industries.

Keung made a sour face. “But your office sounds boring. I like using my hands.”

“Then you can wash the dishes while we're gone and we’ll think of something else tonight,” Guang Hong said. “Right now, I have to go shower.”

“I’ll put my headphones in if you guys want to—”

Leo cut Keung off. “We’re good. Eggs?"

After a frustrating shower and an awkward breakfast, Guang Hong prepared himself for an excruciating work day. He alternated between concern for Keung and flashbacks to his dream, both of which made it hard to focus on generating purchase orders.

Doing it on Leo’s desk was definitely out of the question. Unlike Guang Hong, Leo actually had an office, but most of the offices at OI had windows instead of walls to match the open floor plan.

_Wait,_ thought Guang Hong. _Am I actually considering this?_ It was too devious. He was a good employee, and everyone respected Leo.

_So they’ll never suspect us._

Maybe he and Leo could just go out to lunch and find a bathroom or something. Wasn’t that where people had public sex? Guang Hong wrinkled his nose at the idea. Bathrooms were gross. And he couldn’t think of anywhere private enough to do it in the car without being seen.

“Snap out of it!” he said, trying to focus on Phichit’s purchase order. What was he ordering again? Three cases of silicone sealant just seemed like too much. Guang Hong picked up his phone and dialed his friend’s extension to make sure the order was correct.

Phichit picked up on the first ring. “Hey, Guang Hong! What’s up?” 

“Did you double check the units on that PO you just submitted?”

“Oh, you mean the caulk?” Phichit asked. “Yep, I need seventy-two tubes.”

Guang Hong blinked. “What on earth are you going to do with all that caulk?” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Damn his sex-starved brain.

“Wow!" Phichit was laughing so hard he could barely get the words out. "That’s kind of a personal question, don't you think?"

“You know what I meant!” Guang Hong’s cheeks were on fire.

“Just wait until HR hears about this!”

Guang Hong rolled his eyes. The HR joke wasn’t nearly as funny as Phichit thought it was. “Ha, ha. Okay, Phichit. That's all I needed.”

But of course Phichit wasn't done milking this. “I mean, if you really want to know, you could just ask Seung-gil yourself.”

“Bye, Phichit!” Guang Hong slammed the phone down. How was he ever going to get through the whole day when he couldn’t even get through a phone call?!

Joking aside, he did wonder...

Had Seung-gil and Phichit ever had sex at work? Seung-gil's office was one of the only ones with walls and shutters, and Phichit was always in there, even back before they started dating.

Guang Hong shook his head. There was no way. Phichit and Seung-gil didn’t even touch in public if they could help it.

“Back to the PO,” he muttered to himself. “One case of sealant costs…”

Sixty-nine dollars.

Guang Hong hung his head in his hands. He had to do something, because this was getting ridiculous.

All he needed was a secluded place (that wasn’t a bathroom). Some place he and Leo wouldn’t be disturbed. A place with a lock.

And like lightning, it hit him. Guang Hong knew just where to go. He just had to order a whole lot of caulk first.

It took evert bit of his focus to process that PO, but Guang Hong kept his eyes on the prize. With a spring in his step, he headed to Leo’s office and peeked in. “Hey, Leo!”

“Hey,” Leo said with that smile that always calmed Guang Hong. Today it made him confident. “How’s your day going? Want to get lunch?”

Guang Hong shook his head. “Gotta take care of something first. I, um, need something out of the office supply closet.”

“It should be unlocked,” said Leo, frowning a little.

“No, it was d-definitely locked.” Guang Hong didn’t know why he was so nervous. This was Leo. And Leo looked so cute when he was confused. “I think.”

“No problem.” Leo retrieved a keychain from inside his desk and held it out to Guang Hong with a smile. “It’s key number three, but go ahead and take all of them. I trust you.”

Guang Hong took a deep breath. _That’s right._ Leo trusted him and he trusted Leo. They loved each other, and they were going to bang at work.

“You need to come with me,” said Guang Hong with a wink. “I really need your help.”

“Huh?” Leo stood up and rounded his desk, reaching down to brush Guang Hong’s bangs out of his face. “Is there something wrong with your eye?”

Okay, so maybe Guang Hong was bad at winking, but Leo was so close and he was touching his hair, and that gave Guang Hong the last push he needed.

“My eye is fine, but I do have a problem.” Guang Hong went in for the kill. He ran a hand from Leo’s lower back down to his ass. Leo’s eyes widened—he was starting to catch on. Giving it a firm squeeze, Guang Hong added, “Bring the key.”

Leo’s mouth fell open and stayed that way for a moment. Then, he nodded. “You got it, boss.”

Well. That was different from his dream.

It took all of Guang Hong’s composure not to pull Leo by the hand as they walked, but they had to pretend to be professional. Most people were already out to lunch, but Guang Hong couldn't resist laying it on thick. “Thanks, Leo. I just can’t make it another minute without Post-its.”

“I’ll show you where you can post it,” Leo uttered, so low that only Guang Hong could hear him.

This was the best idea he had ever had.

They ducked into the supply closet one at a time to avoid suspicion. Guang Hong took a surreptitious peek around the hall before shutting them inside. Leo locked the door and grabbed Guang Hong for a searing kiss.

Just like this morning in bed, Leo made amazingly quick work of their shirts. Unlike dream Leo, real Leo was far too horny to worry about getting caught.

“Need you,” Leo broke the kiss to murmur in his ear. “Missed you so much.”

“I could barely get through the morning,” Guang Hong said as he worked Leo’s belt off. Why did this feel more private than at home with Keung?

_Because Keung’s been sticking his nose in our relationship since before we even figured it out ourselves._

But now wasn’t the time for thoughts like that. Guang Hong pulled Leo’s pants down to his ankles, dropped to his knees, and lived out his dream. He couldn’t remember the last time Leo came that hard, that quickly.

_Holy crap,_ Guang Hong thought as he rose to his feet. _We just did it at work._ Had they really gotten away with it that easily?

Leo swayed, steadying himself against the stack of paper boxes behind him. Naked and flushed and just starting to sweat, he was a sight to behold. At this point, a draft would have done Guang Hong in, were he not still—rather uncomfortably—dressed from the waist down. But he already felt a million times better, and he would gladly meditate for the rest of lunch because this had been totally worth it.

“Okay, okay,” Leo said once he was steady again. “Your turn.”

Leo was nothing if not a giver.

He started tugging at Guang Hong’s belt and kissing at his neck, but instead of sinking lower, Leo started looking around. “What'd you do with my pants?”

“Over there,” Guang Hong said, nodding his head in their general direction.

“Check my pockets.”

Guang Hong wasn't sure what Leo needed with them, but he broke away, crouching again to search Leo’s discarded pants. A single condom and a small tube of lube waited in one of the front pockets. “Seriously? Have you been carrying these all day?”

“I’ve had them on me since about a week after Keung arrived,” Leo admitted, flushing. “Just in case.”

Leo never failed to amaze him—so patient and yet so desperate. “I love you so much," Guang Hong said, throwing his arms around Leo's neck.

“I love you, too.” Leo leaned in to press a few soft, slow kisses to his lips. In his ear, barely above a whisper, Leo said, "Just tell me how you want me."

They had options now. A blowjob would be incredible, but…

“I want you bent over those boxes,” Guang Hong told him, shocked at his own boldness.

Leo didn’t seem surprised at all. He just grinned and did as he was told.

Reality, together, was so much better than anything Guang Hong's brain could conjure up on its own. 

"Thank God Keung is such a bad houseguest," Leo said, giving him one last, quick kiss.

Guang Hong laughed. "Let's not talk about him yet."

"Good call." Leo slipped his shirt back on and stepped into his pants. “Think we were quiet enough?”

“Nobody knocked on the door,” said Guang Hong. “That’s a good sign.” He looked around the room for something to stuff the tied-off condom in so that it wouldn’t be so obvious in the trash.

Leo handed him the shrink wrap from an empty pack of tape refills. “This is the best I can do.”

Guang Hong balled everything up in the plastic and shoved it in his pocket—he’d put it in some paper towels or something later. Maybe in one of the outdoor dumpsters. Leo surveyed the room, eyebrows popping up as he spotted his lube. He closed the lid and put it back in his pocket, then straightened the stack of boxes he'd used to support himself. Satisfied, he brushed his hands on his pants. 

“You going to be okay?” Guang Hong asked. The second half of their little business meeting had left Leo a little excited.

“Hell, yeah.” With a smirk, Leo added, “We can pick up where we left off later. At home, I mean.”

Guang Hong laughed. Definitely at home, and soon. He'd break the news to Keung tonight. Leo handed him his belt.

“I still can’t believe we did that.” Guang Hong shivered as he secured his buckle. He giggled and said, “I feel kind of like a Sim.”

“How so?”

“You know, public WooHoo?” Guang Hong explained. He forgot that Leo had never been as into the game as he had. “I’ve got the Stride of Pride moodlet.”

Leo snorted. “You have every right to be proud. When you came into my office, I was not expecting this.”

“I told you I dreamt about it," Guang Hong said. "Except in my dream, we were on your desk.”

"Wow." Leo smiled, a little devious. “In my dream, we were in the car. You were driving.”

Guang Hong let out a squeak. Maybe that one would have to stay in Leo’s dreams. He turned to his boyfriend and asked, “How do I look?”

“Almost presentable,” Leo replied, reaching out to smooth down his hair. “No one would ever know you just fucked me next to the binder clips.”

“Stop!” Guang Hong blushed way too easily. “I’ll check and see if the coast is clear.” He disengaged the lock and cracked the door open, sighing in relief when he didn't see any bodies. He beckoned for Leo to follow him, and they headed into the hallway.

“Oh, lights!” Ever mindful of the company's power-saving mission, Leo went back to flip the switch.

“Hold on!” called a familiar voice. Leo and Guang Hong exchanged a look as Yuuri came to a stop in front of them. “Leave the light on, I need to get something.”

“Sure,” Leo said, running a hand through his own hair, overly casual.

“I need all the binder clips we have,” Yuuri explained, not noticing the strangled noise Guang Hong made. “Can you guys help me carry them?”

“Of course!” Guang Hong exclaimed. Leo shot him a look, practically screaming Be cool!

_Please don’t smell like sex_ was Guang Hong’s silent prayer as he and Leo followed Yuuri back into the supply room.

“Did you guys go out to lunch?” Yuuri asked, putting a stack of boxes into Leo’s hands. “I didn’t see you in the cafeteria.”

“We worked through lunch,” Leo replied. “Guang Hong needed my help with something.”

Yuuri made a sympathetic face. “Hope he didn’t work you too hard!” he joked, completely innocent.

Guang Hong took a few boxes of clips, unable to meet Yuuri’s eyes.

“Nah, it was just right,” Leo said. Guang Hong glared at him, nostrils flared, but Leo just grinned.

Yuuri didn’t seem to notice. “Phichit and I are building a custom tank for a durability soak, and we need these clips hold the pieces in place while the silicone cures,” he explained. “We'll need more, but we ran out of caulk.”

“I hate when that happens,” Guang Hong couldn’t resist saying. Leo snickered.

“You guys are as bad as Phichit," Yuuri sighed, finally picking up on the innuendo. "But I think this'll do it."

_You have no idea how bad we are,_ Guang Hong thought with a little thrill. Leo switched off the light and they followed Yuuri to the lab.

Phichit greeted the three of them with a wave. “Hey, Guang Hong! Did my caulk come yet? No? Well, can you check on my—”

“That’s enough,” Yuuri said. “They worked through lunch, I’m sure they’re not in the mood for caulk jokes.”

“Well, I think we could all use a little more caulk,” said Yuuko, taking a box of binder clips and getting to work. Kenjirou giggled, grabbing a box of his own.

“You’re all fired,” Yuuri muttered. “All of you.”

The job might not have been perfect, but Leo was right—their coworkers made it pretty amazing. And all the caulk jokes were the perfect cover for the actual, er, cocking that had gone down that day.

“So, should we pick up dinner for Keung?” Leo asked in the car on the way home.

“You’re so thoughtful,” said Guang Hong. “Sure. What sounds good?”

They ended up getting some black bean burgers and fries from Keung’s favorite diner.

“This morning got me thinking, you know?” Leo mused, turning onto their street. “I’m going to talk to Minako about creating a Sustainability Manager position.”

“Yeah?” Guang Hong grinned. It sounded like the perfect challenge for Leo. “That’s a great idea! I'm sure she'll go for it!"

“We do all right, but our environmental targets could be more aggressive.” Leo pulled into their driveway and added, “We’re a solar company. We should be an industry leader.”

“Heck, yeah! Did Keung inspire you?”

Leo nodded. “Well, that, and the fact that what we did in the supply closet today was the most stimulating task I’ve had all year.”

“Well, I mean, me too,” Guang Hong admitted. “But I know what you mean."

Keung was happy to see them, but he was happier to see the takeout. “Perfect timing! You guys are the best. Oh, and spoiler alert—the brownies are incredible.”

Guang Hong didn’t want to know how many Keung had sampled.

“So,” Keung asked, once they were down to just a few soggy fries. “Ready for dessert?”

Despite his poor track record, Guang Hong was still feeling invincible. “Sure.”

Leo frowned and Keung patted his arm. “Don’t worry, Leo! Edibles are a whole ‘nother animal. He’ll be fine.”

“Maybe we should split one,” Leo conceded.

That was fine with Guang Hong. “Wow,” he said, taking his first bite. “These are good. Like, really good.”

“See?” Keung beamed. “I fixed you!”

Leo, already done with his half-brownie, wrapped an arm around Guang Hong. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with him.”

“Calm down, Romeo! You know what I meant.” Keung patted Guang Hong’s knee. “I love him, too. In a different way, of course.”

“I mean it, though. These are delicious!” Guang Hong exclaimed, chewing another bite. Was weed some kind of magic ingredient, or was Keung just really good at baking? “Maybe you should go to culinary school.”

“Believe me, I’d love to,” Keung lamented. “But if I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t be here freeloading off of my two favorite people in the world.”

“I’m telling Yue you said that,” Leo said.

“She knows. I’ll probably stay with her and Henry next. Even though they're only my second favorite couple.”

Leo bit his lip. “You can stay here as long as you need to.”

“You mean it?" Keung was entirely too eager to capitalize on their hospitality.

Guang Hong polished off his brownie, feeling a little panicked about trying to please everyone, but otherwise no worse for the wear. “We don’t have to decide right now!” he cried. “Let’s play Munchkin!”

“Aww, but that requires thinking!” Keung complained. “I’m three brownies deep! You guys are gonna destroy me.”

“Well, this brownie’s gonna destroy me in an hour, so we’ll call it even,” Guang Hong replied.

Leo's lips thinned in concern. “Don’t even joke.”

The game went about as expected. Guang Hong was starting to feel pretty good, though he was pretty sure the lights were flickering. Had someone loosened the bulbs?

“Well, what don’t you mind doing?” Leo was asking. What were he and Keung talking about?

“I dunno. Using my hands, I guess. Building stuff. Breaking stuff.”

“Carrying stuff?” Leo supplied.

Keung shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“What if I talked to my moms?” Leo pulled out his phone. “They can always use an extra set of hands around the store.”

“Really? You'd do that for me?” Keung’s eyes went wide. “I love your moms!”

Guang Hong loved Leo's mothers, too. It had been way too long since he had seen them. But he couldn’t see them now. They couldn't see him like this. That would be bad. He didn’t know why—it just would be.

He wasn’t sure what was happening, but Keung and Leo were hugging and then Leo was buying Keung a plane ticket, but why did they need a plane when this room was a portal to anywhere in the world?

“Are they, you know, cool?” Keung asked. Guang Hong had no idea what he was talking about, but things were getting less cool by the second. The room wasn't just a portal—it had sprouted legs and it was definitely running away from him.

“Well, they used to let a couple high schoolers run the store.” Leo’s eyes were glued to Guang Hong as he spoke. Was there something on his face? Was his face still there? “Besides, I’ve seen pictures from when they first met, and I’m pretty sure they weren’t smoking cigarettes.”

“I knew I loved them!” cried Keung. “It would mean the world to me. Seriously, I’ll owe you forever.”

_Forever is a very long time,_ thought Guang Hong, still waiting for the room to slow down. But it still wouldn’t be enough time with Leo. If only he could turn aging off, like The Sims. Why weren’t Yuuri and his team working on that? Maybe if the room ran fast enough, it would be like _The Flash._

“Oh, you already owe us into the next lifetime,” Leo said to Keung. He scooted closer to Guang Hong. “Are you okay?”

Guang Hong wanted to say that he would love Leo longer than a Legacy Challenge. He wanted to say that there was no one else he’d ever want to WooHoo with, public or private. He wanted to ask Leo to stop the room from spinning, because Leo could do anything.

But all that came out his mouth was vomit. A lot of it. On Leo’s lap.

“Party foul!” cried Keung. “Don’t worry, I can tweak the recipe!”

Leo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just go get some towels, Keung.”

“Right!” Keung jumped up and headed for the bathroom. Over his shoulder, he called, “Don’t give up, Guang Hong! We’ll figure this out together!”

“I give up,” Guang Hong muttered, his head pounding. “I give up.”

“That’s all right.” Leo rubbed his back, voice soft and soothing. It was probably just the— _ugh_ —brownies, but Leo seemed only slightly disturbed by the vomit in his lap. “Let it all out.”

Guang Hong did. “I love you so much.”

According to Leo, that was the only thing Guang Hong said for the rest of the night, and the only thing he said on the ride to the airport the next morning.

That sounded like him, but Guang Hong didn’t feel remotely like himself until he had a cup of coffee and some hash browns in his system. It was just an airport Chili’s, but it tasted like five star gourmet fare to his empty stomach.

“Well, it was a close one, but we survived Keung,” Guang Hong finally said.

Leo smiled at him from across the table. “We did. But if he tries to make his own line of edibles someday, promise me you won’t be his guinea pig.”

Guang Hong shuddered. “I promise. I’m done with that life.”

“Good." Leo smiled, a little wistful. "It’s going to be a lot quieter without Keung around, though.”

Quiet. _Quick and quiet,_ Guang Hong thought. “Crap! We’re supposed to be having sex right now!”

Leo’s eyes shot wide open and he looked around the restaurant. No one seemed to notice. “Not that! I just meant we should get a dog or something."

“Oh,” said Guang Hong. “Good. Rain check, then?”

Leo nodded. “It can definitely wait until you’re feeling better. All of it.”

Thank goodness for Leo and his endless patience. “I’m sorry I let Keung stay for so long. I have a hard time saying no to him.”

“It’s all right,” Leo replied. He glanced at his phone and cringed. “I think I owe Keung an apology, too. Mom just told me drug screens are standard practice for the store drivers now. They had an issue.”

“Huh?” Drug screen? What did Leo’s moms’ store have to do with Keung?

Leo shrugged. “Ah well, I only promised him an interview.”

“You did what?!” Guang Hong nearly spit out his coffee. Leo had gotten Keung a job interview?! With his parents?!? Was that how Leo had gotten him to leave? What else had Guang Hong missed last night?

And why was he suddenly dying to play The Sims?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it worth mentioning that I originally posted this on 4/20? 
> 
> Remember how some Sims had the fear "Get Rejected for Public WooHoo"? My life seems so dull by comparison. Also, Phichit and Seung-gil have absolutely had sex at work, but more on that later.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guang Hong watches his friends get high, courtesy of his cousin Keung. He knew he had to watch out for Viktor and Phichit, but he never imagined Seung-gil would be trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can explain

“Who made brownies?”

“Wait!” Guang Hong grabbed Phichit’s arm. “Don’t eat those!”

“Are they old or something?” Phichit opened the plastic container and sniffed the brownies inside. He shrugged and said, “They seem fine to me.”

Guang Hong let go and scratched the back of his neck. “Well, you can eat one if you want, but you should know my cousin made them. He left them here yesterday.”

“Your cousin?” A slow grin spread over Phichit’s face. “Does that mean…?”

“They’re pot brownies,” Leo said.

“Old school!” Phichit exclaimed.

Guang Hong laughed sheepishly. “I was just going to throw them out but I forgot.” Maybe because the one he and Leo had split last night still had him feeling a little off.

Phichit grabbed the container and clutched it to his chest. “You wouldn’t! Keung worked so hard on these!”

“Keung doesn’t work hard on anything,” said Leo.

Guang Hong laughed again. “He kinda overstayed his welcome and in other news, Leo is my hero.” Leo had gotten Keung to leave earlier that morning by promising him an interview at his moms’ new furniture store in South Bend.

“Don’t thank me yet. He still has to pass a drug screen,” said Leo.

“But I don’t!” Phichit grabbed two brownies.

“Don’t overdo it!” Guang Hong said. Just half of one had made him sick. It was just like the time Keung had gotten him to take a hit off his bong in high school. And that time in college when Keung had promised him it was “the good stuff.” Edibles were not “a whole different animal.” Three tries were more than enough, and Guang Hong wouldn’t care if he never had cannabis in his system again.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy watching other people make assholes of themselves.

“One for Seung-gil,” Phichit explained. He held one out to his boyfriend, who was standing in the doorway watching he exchange. “If you want.”

“Okay.”

Phichit pulled the brownie back from under his nose. “Unless you’re going to report me to HR.”

“We’re not at work,” Seung-gil said. He bent down to where Phichit held the brownie captive, took a bite, and chewed. "Crumb's not bad." Phichit grinned and he and Seung-gil headed for the couch. It was the most affectionate Guang Hong had ever seen them and he wondered what else he was going to see tonight.

At least someone was going to eat the brownies. Leo eyed the container.

“Don’t let me stop you,” said Guang Hong, wiggling his phone. “I’m just gonna make some tea and let you guys entertain me.”

Leo had nothing to worry about, anyway. Over the years, he had indulged about as often as Guang Hong, but all weed seemed to do was mellow him out even more. Leo bent down to kiss him and headed out to the front with a brownie.

When Guang Hong joined them, Phichit and Seung-gil were already a few bites deep, hunched together on the couch.

“Is this a bad idea?” Phichit wondered as he chewed.

“It'll be fine,” Seung-gil assured him. “You don't have to finish it.”

Phichit took a huge, deliberate bite right in front of his face and Seung-gil raised an eyebrow.

Now it was just a waiting game, and knowing he wasn’t going to be sick tonight made it a lot more fun for Guang Hong. Besides, it was probably a good idea to have a sober person on hand, given none of them were even infrequent smokers. Well, Guang Hong didn’t know about Seung-gil.

Guang Hong put his phone down on the end table and grabbed the remote. “So, Smash?”

“I’m in,” said Phichit. Everyone else agreed and they fired up the game.

A few rounds in, no one was acting any different. “Where are Yuuri and Viktor?” Leo wondered. “Didn’t you say they were coming?”

Before Guang Hong could reply, Phichit said, “Bet you twenty bucks that’s exactly what they’re doing.”

Just another round later (with Seung-gil in the lead by a large margin) there was a knock at the door and Guang Hong hit the Menu button.

“That must be them,” he said. But it was just Viktor behind the door, looking like a kicked puppy. “Um, hi, Viktor. Is everything okay?”

“Yuuri has to work! And then he sent me inside because I was _too distracting._ ”

“Wait,” Phichit’s eyes went wide. “Does he need help? Because that’s gonna be tough…”

Viktor shook his head. “He got pulled into a conference call to translate on the way here. You know what his native tongue does to me!”

From what little Guang Hong knew about Viktor, he probably meant that exactly how it sounded. “Come on in,” said Guang Hong.

When he tried to step aside, he found himself enveloped in a tight hug from above. Guang Hong yelped. Viktor was a lot taller than him, and Guang Hong loved Leo with all his heart but Viktor was intimidatingly hot and he smelled like jasmine tea up close—

“How about a brownie to cheer you up?” offered Phichit. Viktor perked up and Guang Hong retreated to his tea, willing himself not to blush (he failed).

“There are brownies?”

“Phichit…” Seung-gil put a hand on Phichit’s thigh. Guang Hong had never seen such a deliberate gesture between them before. “You have to tell him.”

“I’m going to!” Phichit got out of his seat, grabbed Viktor’s hand, and dragged him to the kitchen. “Let’s go get one.”

The room was silent until Viktor’s voice rang out from the kitchen.

“Phichit?! Are these _special_ brownies?”

A moment later, Phichit came running back in. “High Viktor is a go!”

“Yuuri’s going to kill you,” said Seung-gil. Phichit sat down and Seung-gil moved a little closer.

“He’ll be fine,” Phichit said, patting his knee. “We were supposed to entertain Viktor, right?”

“I’ve never actually tried marijuana before!” Viktor announced when he returned. Guang Hong had a feeling Viktor would be the one entertaining them.

Seung-gil shot Phichit a dark look.

“I only gave him the teensiest little bit!” Phichit insisted. At this point, their shoulders were touching.

“Does it take a while to kick in? Did you all eat them?” Viktor asked.

Leo shook his head. “Not Guang Hong. It makes him sick.”

Viktor’s mouth dropped open and he looked at Phichit. “It can make you sick? You didn’t tell me that!”

“It doesn’t make me sick!” Phichit replied. “Or at least it didn’t the last time, which was,” he scrunched up his face and counted on his fingers, “five years ago.”

“It always made me horny.”

Everyone looked at Seung-gil. Phichit stared at him like he had never seen him before. Guang Hong grinned and grabbed his phone—he wasn’t about to blackmail his friends, but he had no qualms about dragging out old videos and pictures to embarrass them later.

“This is going to be fun!” Viktor exclaimed. He looked at the TV. “Oh, are you playing that game again?”

Guang Hong had almost forgotten about the game.

“Do you,” Leo wrinkled his nose, fighting to stay delicate, “want to play?”

Viktor shook his head and sat down in a corner, long legs crossed in front of him at the ankles. “I’ll just watch.” He pulled out his phone to text Yuuri or gaze at pictures of Yuuri, or whatever it was he did to pass the time when Yuuri wasn’t there.

Guang Hong picked up his controller and said, “Everybody ready?”

“Yeah,” said Seung-gil. He had never put the controller down. He turned to Phichit, who was still gaping at him. “Are you ready?”

Phichit closed his mouth and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“We’ll see,” said Seung-gil. Guang Hong had never seen Phichit so flustered before.

Whether it was the pot or lust, Phichit was playing as poorly as Viktor ever had. Seung-gil was leading, as usual, with Leo and Guang Hong tied after him.

They had been playing for a while before Guang Hong noticed that Viktor had put his phone down and was watching the screen intently.

The characters did move awfully fast, and if he was going to react like Guang Hong, then he might throw up. “You okay, Viktor?” he asked.

“No, no, no, no, no. No. No.” Viktor shook his head. “I’m fine. It’s just...were there so many colors in this game last time?”

“It begins,” said Leo.

“Phichit was yellow, but now he’s _yellow._ And little. And pointy? But still cute!”

“Damn, you’re kind of a lightweight,” said Phichit. “I have seen you down like, eight shots of vodka in a row without blinking.”

"He's never done this before. And it's not like any of us are regulars," said Leo. He looked at Seung-gil. "Unless..."

"Four,” he squinted one eye, "no, five times." It must have been hitting him if he had forgotten how to count.

“Your guy looks like you, Lee Seung-gil. Oh, wait, no. You don’t have blue hair.” Viktor stood up and walked over to him, scrutinizing him nose to nose. “Or do you?”

Seung-gil turned from Viktor to Phichit, eyes narrowed and lips set in a thin line.

“Fuck,” said Phichit. “Yuuri’s gonna kill me. I broke his boyfriend.”

“Yuuri’s here?!” Viktor looked around the room and then pouted. “Phichit, don’t tease me like that, I don’t see him anywhere! I better text him again.”

He stumbled over to his phone. Leo tapped Guang Hong’s leg urgently as if to say _You should be recording this._

“Seems back to normal to me,” Seung-gil muttered, snaking an arm around Phichit’s waist. No one had paused the game and even Guang Hong was having a hard time paying attention. Leo knocked them all off the stage in the confusion.

There was a knock at the door and Viktor gasped. His phone fell to the floor as his hands shook with excitement. “I summoned him! Answer it! Answer it!”

Guang Hong was afraid to. Leo wasn’t. He opened the door to reveal Yuuri. Guang Hong had never seen Yuuri look pissed off before.

“I take a half hour conference call and you get Viktor high?” he demanded. Viktor launched himself at Yuuri and Guang Hong discreetly started recording. Phichit was giggling too much to use his phone and it looked like Seung-gil was smelling his neck.

“Yuuri! Yuuri!” Viktor hissed in his ear at full volume, bouncing on his heels. “Can I tell you something? But only if you promise to keep it a secret. You _have_ to keep it a secret, Yuuri.”

Yuuri squeezed his eyes shut. “What is it?”

“I’m,” Viktor giggled and started over, “I’m high. Yuuri, I’m so high.” He clearly thought he was whispering.

“I can see that,” said Yuuri.

“You can?” Viktor gasped again. “Yuuri...are you a detective? Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to fuck me in your uniform.” His face was solemn, as if he were testifying in court.

“Phichit…” Yuuri groaned.

“What do you mean, _Phichit?_ What makes you so sure it was me?” Yuuri frowned at him and Phichit put up his hands. “In my defense, he said he wanted to try it. I’m not a pusher!”

Viktor nodded eagerly. “I’ve never been high before, Yuuri!”

“I know."

“Have you ever been high, Yuuri?”

“Ooh, I know the answer!” cried Phichit.

“Once,” Yuuri replied, slipping his shoes off. “It made me really paranoid and I will never do it again.”

At least Guang Hong had one sober buddy. “I’m with you, Yuuri,” he said. “It’s not for me.”

Yuuri smiled at him and patiently steered Viktor to the corner where he had dropped his phone.

“Yuuri was one hundred percent convinced we were in the Matrix,” Phichit explained to Seung-gil. “He started crying about how he’d never get to Zion and then he started bawling because Neo and Trinity were both so hot. Then he locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for hours.”

“Uh huh…” Seung-gil was nodding but his eyes were locked on Phichit’s mouth.

Viktor’s face fell and he wrapped his arms around Yuuri. “Yuuri, I’m so sorry that happened to you! But who are Neo and Trinity? Are they hotter than me?”

“Oh my god, we have to show him _The Matrix,_ ” said Phichit. “Do you guys have a copy? Can we—” Seung-gil draped his legs over Phichit’s lap and the words died on his lips.

“Yuuuuri!” Viktor had his arms hooked linked behind Yuuri’s neck. “What is _The Matrix?_ ”

“He really isn’t acting that different, is he?” Guang Hong mused. He turned to Yuuri. “I'm really sorry about this."

“It's fine. It was just a tense call and I’m still translating in my head,” Yuuri replied. “But if getting high was the plan tonight, I would have appreciated some warning.”

Guang Hong only knew enough Japanese to recognize that Viktor was speaking it now (albeit with a strong accent) and urging Yuuri to do _something._

“It wasn’t really planned,” Guang Hong began. “My cousin Keung couldn’t take his brownies on the plane with him this morning so he left them here.”

“There are brownies?!” Viktor exclaimed, speaking English again.

“No more brownies, Viktor,” said Yuuri. “Just sit here with me for a few minutes and then I’ll get you any snack you want.”

“Yes, Officer!” Viktor cried. His hands started roaming down Yuuri’s legs and he said, “I’m going to rub your feet now.”

“Please don’t,” Yuuri choked out. “How about tomorrow? When you’re not high?”

The controller in Guang Hong’s lap buzzed and he looked at the TV. His, Phichit’s, and Seung-gil’s characters were blinking at the top of the screen, and only Leo was still playing. Guang Hong looked over to the empty couch and frowned.

“Where did they go?” he wondered aloud. Viktor and Leo started giggling uncontrollably and Guang Hong sighed as realization dawned. “Please tell me they’re not in our bed.”

“Do you want me to go check?” Viktor was giddy at the idea and Yuuri grabbed both of his arms.

“Please don’t.” To Guang Hong, he said, “Phichit wouldn’t. Seung-gil definitely wouldn’t.”

Leo pointed at the front door, which was slightly ajar. “They went outside.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” But Guang Hong’s relief was short-lived. “What if the neighbors see them? They’ll call the cops!”

“It’s cool, Guang Hong.” Viktor patted Yuuri’s chest proudly. “Yuuri’s a cop! Remember? He’s on our side!”

The round timer ran out and Leo was still looking at the door, chuckling to himself. “Viktor hugged you. You were blushing!”

Guang Hong sighed and picked up his controller. “We might as well play. Wanna jump in, Yuuri?”

“Sure,” said Yuuri, taking Phichit’s controller and switching the character to Young Link. Viktor took Seung-Gil’s controller and Yuuri drew his head back in surprise. “You're going to play?”

“Yeah.” Viktor nodded, brow set in determination. “Yeah. I think I understand this game now.”

When Viktor picked Princess Peach, Guang Hong bit his lip. “You know she’s kinda hard to play, right?”

“I’ve got this. I just have a really good feeling about her.” Viktor crawled out of Yuuri’s lap so he could be closer to the screen and nodded. “I’m good.”

Whereas Leo got worse under the influence, Viktor seemed to get better. Maybe it was just because he had set the bar so low last time, but somehow, he had figured out all of her Taunts, used her Aerials and Specials like a pro, and finished all three of them off with one Final Smash.

“Wow, Viktor!” Yuuri patted him on the back. “Have you been practicing?”

Viktor pointed at Peach on the screen. “She is my long-lost sister,” he said gravely.

Even though he had come in last place, Leo just laughed.

Viktor wiped the floor with them a few more times, but his attention started to lag. “Yuuri,” he said quietly.

“Yes, Viktor?” Yuuri stroked his face, brows laced with concern. “Are you all right?”

“No. I’m not.”

 _Uh oh,_ thought Guang Hong. Was he getting sick?

“Talk to me, Viktor,” said Yuuri. Viktor nodded slowly.

“It’s just…do you think the people who invented this game get paid every time you play it?”

Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m pretty sure they get paid when you buy the game.”

“But it’s _online,_ ” Viktor said, as if that explained everything. “Like, we’re all connected, all the time. They have to know. They have to.”

“Anyone else hungry?” Leo wondered.

Viktor turned around, conspiracy forgotten. “I'm so hungry.”

“I’ll find you a snack,” said Yuuri with a sigh.

“You’re going to make me food?” Viktor purred, grabbing his leg before he could stand up. “You’re so good to me, Yuuri. Let me rub your feet.”

Guang Hong looked at Leo and pulled a face. This was clearly a _thing_ for them.

“Tomorrow, Viktor,” Yuuri promised. With less grace than usual, Viktor followed him to the kitchen.

“Jiaozi in the freezer!” Guang Hong called.

“That sounds so good…” Leo said. His longing gaze went from the kitchen to Guang Hong and he patted his lap. “C’mere.”

Guang Hong smiled and curled up in the chair with him. “You all right?”

“Of course I am. Got you.” He locked his arms around Guang Hong and kissed his shoulder. “Love you.”

“I love you, too,” Guang Hong said, nudging Leo's head up to kiss his lips.

“I promise, I’m going to show you how much I love you as soon as I can get out of this chair.” Leo blinked slowly. “Tomorrow morning. I’m sleeping here.”

Guang Hong laughed.

“Don’t touch the oven, Viktor.” Yuuri’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “That steamer basket is hot.”

“But I want them now,” Viktor whined. “Oh, wow, are those brownies?”

“No more brownies, Viktor. The gyoza will be done in a minute.”

Guang Hong kissed Leo again. “I better go help him,” he said with a sigh.

Leo released him and let his arms fall like they were dead weight. “I’ll be right here, keeping this chair warm.”

Guang Hong took over the cooking so Yuuri could focus on Viktor, and soon, Leo and Viktor had a feast of soda and steamed dumplings waiting for them. Like a sage, Yuuri had made multiple bags.

As Viktor and Leo worked on the dumplings, Phichit walked back into the house, looking thoroughly dazed and debauched.

“Um, Phichit, your shirt is on backwards,” said Yuuri.

Phichit smirked. “That’s the style.”

“And inside out.”

He gestured to his tag. “Everyone is doing this.”

“Where’s Seung-gil?” Guang Hong wondered.

Phichit looked behind him, stumbling a little when he noticed there was no one there. “Oh yeah, I think he’s looking for his pants? Don’t worry, he’s fine. He’s fine. He’s…” He melted into the couch with a dreamy sigh and smiled like his toes were still curled. “He’s incredible. Is that gyoza?”

Yuuri passed him a plate.

All Guang Hong heard for the next several minutes was chewing. The food smelled good, and he and Yuuri even had a few (when they managed to sneak their hands past their ravenous friends). Viktor bathed each piece in dipping sauce, but somehow didn’t spill a single drop.

“Do you hear something?” Yuuri asked. “Is that the side door?”

“Protect me, Yuuri.” Viktor shrunk down at his side. Phichit shushed him and craned his neck to listen, but he was even louder than Viktor.

Leo shrugged. “I don’t hear anything.”

Guang Hong frowned. There was a faint thump at the side door, and he got up to answer it.

“Don’t go alone!” Viktor whispered.

Undeterred, Guang Hong looked through the peephole. It was Seung-gil.

“There you are,” said Guang Hong as he opened the door. There was grass in Seung-gil’s hair and more than one hickey on his neck, but at least he had found his pants.

“Couldn’t find the door,” he muttered as he followed Guang Hong back to the front room.

“Hey, you,” Phichit drawled, holding out his arms when he saw Seung-gil. Seung-gil climbed into his boyfriend’s lap. Guang Hong could have sworn he’d been wearing socks earlier, but his feet were bare now.

Without another word, Phichit started feeding Seung-gil dumplings. Even Viktor wasn’t being that cutesy, and Guang Hong snapped a picture.

“Send me that one,” said Phichit, finally sounding like his usual self. Guang Hong was going to keep the videos to himself for now, but he AirDropped the photo. Phichit gave him a thumbs up, then showed Seung-gil. “Look how adorable we are.”

Seung-gil responded by sucking some dipping sauce off of Phichit’s other hand.

“Well, are you ready to go home?” Yuuri asked. Viktor nodded and leaned close to whisper something in his ear (actually whispering this time). Yuuri giggled and said, “All right.”

Guang Hong had a pretty good guess what they were talking about.

Viktor was still smiling when he stood up. He seemed to have his energy back. “Thank your cousin for sharing his…”

“Special brownies?” Guang Hong filled in. Viktor nodded.

“Do you need help cleaning up?” Yuuri asked.

Leo, still glued to the chair, shook his head. “I’ll do the dishes tomorrow.”

Phichit waved at Yuuri. “Go get your foot massage. You’ve earned it.” He patted Seung-gil’s leg. “I’ll stay with this one.”

Guang Hong assumed Phichit meant he would spend the night at Seung-gil’s house, but neither of them looked willing to move just yet (and Guang Hong wouldn't want them to drive like that anyway). Guang Hong got up to see Viktor and Yuuri to the door.

“The fuck?”

They all turned to Seung-gil. His mouth hung open as he stared at the television. It was back on the post-battle ranking screen and Princess Peach beamed at them from the first place slot with Viktor’s name in Cyrillic letters beneath her picture.

“Was that really Viktor?” Seung-gil demanded.

“Was it?” Viktor said, tapping his chin playfully. “I forgot.”

“Did you play for him, Yuuri?” Phichit wondered.

Yuuri shook his head. “That was all Viktor.”

“Pretty sure it was 99% weed and 1% Viktor,” Leo added, half asleep.

“Damn.” Phichit’s eyebrows went up. “I’m still impressed.”

Seung-gil frowned. “I want a rematch.”

“You didn’t play him,” Phichit reminded him, running a finger up and down his jaw. “We were too busy _smashing._ ”

“Right…” Seung-gil smiled, warmer than Guang Hong had ever seen, but it disappeared quickly. “Hey, are we forgetting something?”

“I don’t think so,” said Phichit. He shrugged “Probably.”

 _Socks,_ thought Guang Hong. But he didn’t feel like looking around for socks outside in the dark. Just watching everyone was making him tired.

Yuuri held out his hand to Viktor, and with one last wave, they left.

“Think you can make it to bed?” Guang Hong asked Leo.

“Five minutes. Maybe ten.”

Guang Hong laughed. Turning to the single entity that was Phichit and Seung-gil, he said, “You can stay as long as you want. Phichit knows where the pillows and blankets are.”

“I’m his blanket now,” Seung-gil mumbled.

Phichit nodded from somewhere beneath him. “And I’m your pillow.”

“Okay,” said Guang Hong, snapping another quick picture.

He thought he had gotten away with it, but Phichit mumbled, “Send me that one, too.”

Guang Hong laughed. “Just close the door behind you when you leave and it’ll lock. And try to drink some water.”

All he got back were grumbles, so he went upstairs to get ready for bed. He was almost asleep when Leo fell into bed next to him. The bed was always warmer with Leo in it.

“Goodnight,” Leo said. Guang Hong leaned over to kiss him, surprised to find Leo had managed to brush his teeth.

“Night.” Guang Hong snuggled a little closer and said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Phichit and Seung-gil were gone when Guang Hong and Leo woke up. Leo was back to his usual self after a cup of coffee, and he started on the dishes. The brownies were still sitting on the counter.

“I’m just gonna throw these away,” said Guang Hong.

“Good call,” said Leo.

The trash can was pretty full, so Guang Hong decided to empty it. He headed out the side door to the garbage bins and pitched the bag, hoping no raccoons would get into the brownies.

A pair of socks in the driveway caught his eye. _Oh, right. Seung-gil’s. Wonder if he wants these back._ Guang Hong bent down to pick them up and saw something else.

“Is that a… Ugh, gross!” He used the socks to pick up a discarded condom and threw it all in the trash bin. If Seung-gil ever asked about the socks, Guang Hong would just tell him that it was a small price to pay for his silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally the second chapter. Also, Phichit plays Pikachu and Pichu (and sometimes Wii Fit Trainer because he’s a little shit), Seung-gil plays Ike, Guang Hong plays Pokémon Trainer, and Leo plays Sonic.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seung-gil and Phichit have, in fact, had sex in the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted for Seung-gil's birthday. Yikes.

“Do we really have to wait?”

Phichit didn’t respond to Seung-gil’s question right away. Slowly, he pushed himself up to eye level, keeping their bodies in as close of contact as possible. All that fanfare, just so he could shoot Seung-gil a patronizing look.

“Oh, come on,” Phichit teased, “like you can’t think of a single way to pass 15 to 60 minutes?”

Right. The absorption time. Phichit had been talking about cannabis lubricants and forwarding Seung-gil not-safe-for-work articles (at work, no less) for weeks. Technically, they were illegal in Michigan, but Phichit had finally asked Guang Hong’s cousin to get one for him. Seung-gil wasn’t convinced it would make any difference—reviews were mixed—but Phichit was excited so he was trying to keep an open mind.

A task that became much harder when he was turned on, Seung-gil discovered.

“But I’m ready now,” he said, running his hands down Phichit’s sides. There was a time and a place for torturously slow foreplay, but he had barely made it through their extended makeout session, let alone Phichit’s painstakingly thorough application process (to ensure good absorption, or something like that—it was hard to remember the exact words he had used). Now Seung-gil just wanted Phichit inside of him, cannabis be damned.

“I know, I know,” Phichit kissed his lips, then cupped his face with one hand, “but it’s going to feel so much better for you if we wait just a little longer.”

Forget 15 minutes. Seung-gil wasn't sure he could last another five.

“Sex now, then sex again after it takes effect,” he offered, taking Phichit’s other hand and trying to steer it in the right direction.

Phichit sucked in a sharp breath, but he didn’t budge. “I’m not risking you falling asleep on me. Just relax and let it build.” He turned Seung-gil’s hand over in his own and kissed his wrist.

Seung-gil took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, but the THC must not have kicked in yet because relaxing worked for all of two minutes. Once Phichit went from sucking his pulse point to sucking on his fingertips, Seung-gil couldn’t stand it anymore. His other hand flew to Phichit’s ass, staking his claim.

“I could fuck you while we wait,” Seung-gil offered. Phichit’s mouth fell open and Seung-gil’s fingers slipped out.

“You’re so impatient!” Phichit pulled himself together quickly but he was definitely considering it—his pupils had eclipsed all but the tiniest ring of gray. “That wasn’t the plan tonight.”

“Plans change.”

“I’m not wasting this,” said Phichit. “Besides, I didn’t use any weed lube on myself.”

“Guess you’ll just have to settle for the normal stuff,” Seung-gil said, using his still-damp fingers to show Phichit exactly where he wanted to put it. Weed “lube” was kind of a misnomer—if it ever kicked in, Seung-gil was still going to need the regular kind, too—but there was no reason they couldn’t start with Phichit.

Phichit took a deep breath and, with great effort, shook his head. “Not tonight. But you can do other stuff to me.”

Defeated, Seung-gil pressed his forehead to Phichit’s chest. Then again, “other stuff” was a pretty good consolation prize.

“Any requests?” Seung-gil punctuated the question by tracing one of Phichit’s lovely clavicles with his tongue.

“That's a good start,” Phichit replied, breath quickening as Seung-gil kissed a path down his chest. “Really good.”

That settled it. Seung-gil had a strategy now. No need to get fancy—he would just take his time, maybe even the whole hour, kissing and teasing his way across (almost) every inch of Phichit’s skin until he was too desperate to even form the words to beg. Seung-gil still wouldn’t relent, not until his dear boyfriend was breathless and writhing and biting his lips, like he was the one with cannabis oil up his—

Seung-gil’s cell phone rang.

Reflexively, Phichit looked at his own phone on the nightstand.

“It’s mine,” said Seung-gil before dipping his tongue in Phichit’s navel. “Leave it.”

“Y-yeah.”

The caller gave up and Seung-gil worked his way down to Phichit’s hips with soft touches and open-mouthed kisses, drawing closer and closer until—

“Please?”

—he skipped right to Phichit’s thighs. Phichit whined his name and Seung-gil smirked, nipping at the deliciously sensitive skin before him. He let his hands hover over Phichit’s waist, barely brushing his skin.

“Hey,” Phichit groaned in protest, arching up into his touch.

But Seung-gil was into it now, and he took his hands away. He still didn't feel any different—maybe this particular delivery method just didn’t work on him—but making Phichit beg was better than any artificial high.

Seung-gil shook his head, face grazing the inside of one thigh, then the other. “If I have to wait, so do you.” He leaned in a little closer, his nose just touching Phichit’s—

His phone rang again.

“Dammit.”

Phichit sat up to look at Seung-gil this time, dazed. “You're really popular tonight.”

Seung-gil rose to meet his eyes. “I have all the attention I need.”

Phichit shuddered at Seung-gil’s words. “Do you feel it yet?” he asked.

Seung-gil couldn’t lie to him. “No, but I’m ready to feel you.”

This time, the caller didn’t give up as quickly, and Seung-gil let out his growing frustration with a growl.

“You should be feeling relaxed,” Phichit said, rubbing Seung-gil’s tight shoulders as the phone finally fell silent. But the gesture wasn’t relaxing at all, not when all Seung-gil wanted was for Phichit to—

The phone rang again.

Seung-gil broke out of Phichit’s embrace and lunged for his phone. He silenced the ringer without looking at the caller and chucked the offending device into the hallway. It landed with a thud but he didn’t care.

When he looked back, Phichit was smiling in amusement. “Not even going to see who it is?”

“I don’t think it’s going to work on me,” Seung-gil said, ignoring his question. He grabbed the tube of regular lubricant and thrust it into Phichit’s hands. “But this stuff will. I need you right now.”

“Are you sure? Any minute now, it’s gonna kick in and—”

“Don’t care.” Seung-gil silenced him with a hand between his legs. “I want to get high on your—”

Another phone buzzed. Phichit’s.

“Mother _fucker._ ” Seung-gil decided then and there that smartphones were the worst thing to happen to society since work parties.

Phichit looked up from Seung-gil’s hand to the other nightstand, worrying his lip. “Shouldn’t we see who it is?”

“No.”

Phichit’s frown deepened and Seung-gil could feel the mood slipping away. “What if it’s an emergency?”

“It can wait.” But it was too late. He hated to see Phichit even a little upset, and they had to stop. But that didn’t mean he was happy about it. “Someone had better be dying.”

“Oh, you,” said Phichit, slipping out of his grasp. He reached over to accept the call, but Seung-gil snatched his phone away from him at the last second.

“What?” he snarled at the caller.

“Oh, good. It’s you, Seung-gil.”

Minako?! She was supposed to be on vacation in Hawaii all week. All he could do was repeat himself. “What?”

“Morooka needs to get into the office. Go let him in.” Seung-gil was a second away from telling her exactly what she had interrupted when Minako added, “Keep in mind he pulled me out of a $2,000 spa treatment to ask, so I’m sure whatever you were doing can wait.”

What could even cost that much at a spa? Seung-gil sighed. “Fine.”

“He’ll meet you there. See you next week.” She didn’t wait for a reply before she hung up.

“You have to go to work?!” Phichit groaned, flopping onto his back. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

“You’re the one who wanted to answer your phone,” Seung-gil muttered. He sat up and looked around the floor by the bed for his underwear and pants.

Phichit shot upright and put a hand on his shoulder. “Wait, you’re going?!”

“Yeah,” said Seung-gil. Between Phichit’s sad faces and Minako’s voice (not to mention the excruciatingly long wait), his erection was all but gone.

Phichit linked his arms around Seung-gil’s collar. “But you can’t drive!”

“Why not?”

“Because you—the weed—you can’t drive under the influence!”

Seung-gil stretched out his leg, hooking the waistband of his underwear over his toe to bring it closer. “I don’t think it works that way.” Besides, the weed lube didn’t seem to be working at all.

“But it can. Plus, this kind of oil isn’t _technically_ legal here.” Phichit let go of him and stood, searching for his own clothes. “I better drive you.”

Seung-gil froze, pants only halfway up his legs. Phichit wasn’t the best driver even when he was completely alert, and just now it had taken him three tries to get his shirt on right.

“You can wait here.”

“Hell, no!” Phichit replied. “I can’t just sit around and wait for you. I won’t last.”

As much as Seung-gil enjoyed imagining what Phichit might do to pass the time, he was too irritated to argue.

“Fine. But if you crash the car, you get to explain the weed lube in my system to the paramedics.”

It wasn’t a joke but Phichit laughed anyway. They managed to get themselves dressed, Seung-gil thinking of Minako the whole time to calm himself down, and once Phichit shoveled a pile of laundry from his passenger seat into the backseat, they were off.

Seung-gil was about to comment on the atrocious state of his boyfriend’s car when Phichit asked, “So, you want to get high on my dick?”

“I never said that,” Seung-gil replied even as his cheeks warmed.

“Pretty sure you did.”

It was a short ride to work, but it seemed to take much too long, and something felt weird. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe there was a problem with Phichit’s passenger seat—it had been a while since Seung-gil had ridden with him. He tried to ignore it.

“I’m so sorry, Lee-san, Chulanont-san,” Morooka said over and over again in Japanese, bowing so deep that all his blood was probably rushing to his head. “You have really done me a huge favor. Thank you. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Seung-gil mumbled in Japanese. Morooka didn’t ask why Phichit was there and Seung-gil certainly wasn’t going to volunteer.

Seung-gil unlocked the door and Morooka scurried off to the guest cubicle where he had been working that day.

“What do you think he forgot?” Phichit asked.

“Don’t care,” Seung-gil replied. It wasn’t the seat, because he was still off. Prickly. Not altogether bad, but…

_Oh._

Phichit tilted his head and took Seung-gil’s hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Seung-gil cleared his throat. In once fierce pulse, his sex drive came rushing back, just from holding hands. “Fine.”

“Wait.” Phichit’s eyes flew open, almost giddy. “It’s happening. Oh my god, it’s happening.”

“Shh,” Seung-gil hissed, squeezing his legs together as if he could stop the inevitable. Head on a swivel, he looked around the office for Morooka. “He’ll hear you.”

“That’s why I’m speaking English,” said Phichit, leaning in closer. “How does it feel? Are you all tingly?”

That was one word for it. Seung-gil felt every single movement, every shift of his clothing, maybe even the air circulating through the room. Phichit’s voice went straight to his dick and he hated Minako and Morooka for dragging him here when he could have been at home, in rapture on his boyfriend’s lap.

“Sorry for making you wait. I found it,” said Morooka sheepishly, holding up a hotel key card.

Seung-gil’s vision went red. Minako had pulled him out of bed for this?!

“You know they can just make you another key at the hotel, right?” he said through gritted teeth. Phichit kept a steady hand on his arm as he seethed.

Morooka blinked. “Is that so?” And then he was back to repetitive bowing and groveling.

“Just go,” Seung-gil barked, hoping Morooka wouldn’t look down at his pants.

“Goodnight, Morooka-san!” Phichit called. Once their visiting coworker was back in his rental car, giggles exploding from his lips.

God, everything Phichit did was hot. Seung-gil wouldn’t be able to make it home like this. His skin was on fire and his stomach was wound tight, but below that he was floating. It wasn’t exactly like being high, but there were some definite similarities.

“Shall we go home?” Phichit gestured to the car with a significant eyebrow waggle.

Seung-gil swore out loud. Phichit was the sexiest creature on the planet. “No.”

“Oh?” Phichit drew closer and Seung-gil’s stomach flipped when he saw Phichit pull the normal lube out of his pocket. “You wanna do it in the car?” he whispered.

“No.” Definitely not. Seung-gil may have been hard up but he had standards. Still, one place did come to mind, and it was much closer than home... “My desk.”

Phichit gasped in his ear and Seung-gil let out a whimper.

“Seung-gil...”—oh, he was doing this on purpose—“are you sure?”

“My desk,” Seung-gil repeated, licking his lips. “Now.”

Phichit didn’t need to be told again.

Completely spent, knees weak and chest flat against the desk, Seung-gil mentally catalogued a few more similarities between high sex and weed lube sex. Intense, prolonged orgasm? Check. Bone-deep post-sex calm? Check. Heightened emotional clarity?

“I love you,” Seung-gil said, staring at his laptop docking station. Check.

Phichit let out a happy sigh from the desk chair, wheeling it closer so he could rest his head on Seung-gil’s back. “I love you, too!”

“I fantasized about this,” Seung-gil admitted. “So many times.”

“Just like this?” Phichit asked, giving his middle a gentle squeeze.

Not quite. Seung-gil’s fantasies usually took place during the day, he was almost always the one on top, and he had never even considered cannabis-infused oils.

But he was pretty sure they’d come into play in the future.

Seung-gil had no idea how long they lay there before Phichit’s voice made him stir. “While we’re talking fantasies, I don’t suppose you’d indulge one of mine?”

“Mm?”

“I’ve always wanted you to rail me on the lab bench.”

That jolted him the rest of the way awake. They were already pushing the limits of decency (even with the door closed and the shades drawn), but now that the seed was planted, Seung-gil couldn’t get it off of his mind.

“Only if you wear your lab coat.”

Maybe Seung-gil was the worst HR manager ever, but what Minako didn’t know wouldn’t get him fired.

Besides, she owed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weed lube (the THC kind, not the CBD kind) is technically illegal where I live, too, so this is all based on online research. Some of it even came from sites that weren't sponsored by the manufacturers!
> 
> Thanks so much to mindifimoveincloser for Minako's persistent calls, Seung-gil throwing his phone, the lab bit, and other things I'm sure I'm forgetting.
> 
> I wanted to have an update for this goofy story before I reposted it, but honestly, it feels good to just have it up again. I saved screenshots of all the comments I got, so please know that if you read it before or if you're reading it for the first time now, I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.


End file.
